My lil doggy is really sick. We have been struggling with this for awhile now (he has had bouts of vomiting for months. We have had many tests done, but no confirmed diagnosis...just various things ruled out), but we thought that we had things under control until Sunday morning when he started to vomit and has been doing so about every 2-8 hours since then. We have been giving him ice to hopefully prevent any serious dehydration and my husband is bringing him to the vet this morning.
I can’t seem to get over the slump produced by the failed search. Depressed or even despondent would be inaccurate descriptions of what I am feeling. Exhausted and at a complete loss are better. The experience reminds me why I am always cautious when encountering scholarship that sings the praises of liminality—it just ain’t always fun being in the between...remember puberty???
It is spring! Despite the doggy and the job woes, I can still feel a lil bit giddy because of the season. I LOVE spring. It is, hands down, my absolute favorite time of the year. The radiant green of new leaves and grass never fails to bring a smile to my face. Also, the house that my husband fell in love with, and that we subsequently bought, was owned previously by just one, now very old, precious lady who adores flowers. The landscaping around our home is lush with blooming reds, pinks, whites, purples, and yellows. This beauty almost (almost) makes me forget the wallpaper that mirrored (inspired?) the landscaping. Wallpaper that we spent the better part of the last two years removing from the walls and ceilings(!) of the interior of the house.
Feeling a bit stupid. On a daily basis I interact with really smart people. People energized and enlivened by ideas. Lots and lots of ideas. By contrast, I have very few ideas. I get one or two and hang onto them for dear life and work slowly to nurture them into something publishable. Then, when that work is done, I enter this space. The space of waiting and searching for another good idea. For me, ideas move slowly. For many of my colleagues, they seem to fly at them. Brilliant bits of thought whir and whiz around them that they can pluck out of the dense air between thumb and index finger to inspect. My air is empty at the moment. In the distance I think I can catch a glimpse of something, but for the moment I am stuck in the dead and vacant atmosphere of stupid.
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2 comments:
i'm so sorry about doggy...i share doggy woes, though mine are not the cleaning up kind, more like the high energy puppy kind.
but more importantly, we all go through periods of acute intellectual vibrancy followed by lulls, dips, sometimes, stagnation. this is a good thing. we would explode otherwise. besides this, methinks you're liminality (i agree completely, btw) may mean you work differnetly than your entrenched counterparts.
all to say, you're not stupid. let yourself enjoy flowers and percolate (like coffee!)
Hope the doggy feels better quick--I hate it when the kitties are sick.
And I can *so* relate to the feeling stupid...I really do think that's just part of the territory (for all of us). I agree with AW on this--enjoy spring! :)
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