I am having a bit of a personal/professional dilemma of late. Before I launch into this (brief) explanation I want to start out by saying that I quite enjoy the academic life and the flexibility that it offers. Coming from a more middle to working class background, I truly appreciate the freedoms that academic life offers. That being said, I am also experiencing a bit of dissatisfaction at the isolation and the diminishing sense of efficacy with my job. That is, I no longer have a passion or fire for much of what I do. I am not idealistic enough to think that one always feels passionately for their job. What I do believe, however, is that there does need to be some kind of relatively equal measure of passion and responsibility. What I mean to say is that the degree of excellence expected from me by my job ought to be at least occasionally matched by a measure of excitement and/or (at least) satisfaction on my part. Increasingly the largely isolated labor of writing has been offering me less and less intellectual, creative, and social nourishment. Perhaps this is also because the pragmatist in me is quite sure that whatever I write will have a marginal (if any) impact in/on the world. Academic writing, it often feels to me, is a solipsistic enterprise: “Hey! Look at me! Look at how smart I am! Read ME! Read ME!”
On the other hand (as I mention at the beginning of this post), I really love the lifestyle that I have. Love of the lifestyle doesn’t seem enough lately, however, to motivate me to write. I selfishly want more. I want to feel viscerally like the work I do matters beyond simply keeping my job and getting tenure. I want to work with and in a community that makes things/events/actions happen. Without revealing too much, I think that part of my ambivalence has to do with the fact that the job I currently have is a bit out-of-field for me and so one of the key elements that got me into the field in the first place is missing from my academic life. Friends and colleagues tell me to hang on and build that element here. I feel (perhaps just this morning), that I am to my fingertips on that particular ledge.
So, the advice I seek is what strategies (or simply coping mechanisms) have folks used to (re) generate excitement and enthusiasm when they know they want not to (necessarily) change their career path, but also need that career to do more (or differently).
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3 comments:
I don't have any great advice on this question, professionally. And maybe what I do have to say doesn't make much sense at all, but have you thought about looking for some of that feeling of community and impact on the world outside of the job? In my experience, it doesn't take some massive outside force to reivnigorate my own perceptions, and then I can bring some of that energy to bear again in my job. Perhaps some relatively small changes in your non-professional life (a good organization to volunteer with, or a political campaign, something like that) would help a lot?
Scrivener:Excellent advice on the volunteering front. I need to dedicate some energy to finding a volunteer-type activity where I can do some "behind-the-scenes" type of work.
Bolibuckness; Thanks for the kudos on the p-funk article and the words of encouragement and advice.
hmmm, baby? nope. definitely not. Secret society? Intriguing. Dream job? Been thinking very seriously about this. Visit Autin? hell, yea!
In Yearning: Race, Class and Cultural Politics, bell hooks talks about teaching and writing for audiences outside the academy as being a vital way to serve an underserved community and to make you consider the ways in which your work does have bearing on the world. What about teaching offering a lecture and discussion series at your local community center?
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