Excess

Or maybe I mean binging…or simply intensity… Let’s see…

Things have been their new normal crazy in the last couple of months. I don’t think that I am alone in this (the blog silence of many of late suggests that I am certainly not alone in this) and so don’t want to make it seem that the new normal crazy in my world is somehow unique or deserving of special attention. And besides, the new normal is not really the point I might get to. Rather, it is the catalyst for the performance of personal and professional excess.

So, the new normal crazy includes all the regular stresses about getting work done with the extra added intensity of feeling evaluated by an unknown against an unknown interpretation of a known criteria (my description of the tenure process). In comparison to my grandparent’s stress about feeding a family of 8 with a pound of hamburger, this seems a little silly as a stress inducer, but there it is.

The result of this has been excess…in exercise, in eating, in drinking, in working, in playing, in avoiding. It seems every pleasure or task that I embark upon (except, dare I say, some of those which I am required to do but that end up freaking me out so much that I become paralyzed….also in excess) must be done more intensely. Do I want to be alone for a bit to quiet the demands of personal and professional relationships. Sure, for at least 24 hours locked in a room with DVDs and a “do not enter” sign hanging virtually from the door. Do I want to have some pizza? Yep, as I sit and watch the DVDs and eat the whole thing. Do I want to see friends? You betcha, but the expectation is for true closeness and connection in every moment. Do I want to workout? Of course, but it must be at least everyday and ideally 2-3hours. Do I do my work? Yes, but if I am grading it is to sit at a table and do it until it is done no matter how many hours it takes. If working on the tenure file, I do it without stopping to eat, drink, or pee. Do I want to be a good local and national colleague? Too much. So I take on tasks that will eventually lead to another cycle of excess.

In this I do not think I am alone. There is something about the job and/or the type who is drawn to the job that asks for (or, at least, allows for) the performance of excess. In fact, in some ways it is even rewarded.

No big conclusions here, simply the observation that there is something about the culture of the academy that breeds excessiveness. Intensely.

Off to eat a pizza…and obsess about packing for vacation...